First of all, I am a huge fan of Michael Jackson’s music, from the good ole times of the J5 (I’ll Be There, ABC, Dancing Machine, and every hit or non-hit in between). I loved MJ during the Thriller days, was amazed by all the hysteria and the fact that from 1983 to 1984 or a little thereafter, I noticed Michael Jackson was in the news every single day, without fail, which is incredible.

Fast forward to the trail. There are many aspects of this case which could elicit some comment or another, but for this post, I want to focus on how incredibly disloyal some people have been to MJ. From former associates, ex-employees, maids, housekeepers, it seems just about everyone that had some type of special shoulder-rubbing with MJ has come out to kiss and tell, and tell, and tell. It seems money can buy a lot of things but loyalty hasn’t been one of those things. Is it because MJ is supposedly broke now, so the folks feel they can ask for a pay0ff by Mike? Or have they already been paid, even after they’ve signed these confidentiality agreements, which is a requirement to be employed by Michael. If you work for him, do not go to the press and tell them what you’ve seen while at Neverland. You sign a piece of paper swearing you won’t divulge what went on. But that paper, those signatures, mean virtually nothing now that Michael is on the trial of his life. I mean, regardless of him being what 50 something and still playing with little kids, I would hate it if my so-called friends came out and willingly testified against me. It would hurt so bad I would be depressed. I would feel as if all the air is gone from my body. I would feel dead inside. I would be so angry, so wounded. And the way Mike looks these days, it seems like this may be how he feels inside. Let’s say alot of the people are lying, they are disgruntled employees, or people who wanted to be around him for selfish motives but he kicked them to the curb. Well, those people want to get him back. They want to show him he isn’t so powerful after all. They betray him, they testify for the defense, they give misleading statements, half-truths, just to make Michael look bad. Regardless of their motives, it’s outright betrayal. It’s airing the dirty laundry. It’s kissing and telling and telling and telling. It’s sticking a knife right inside Michael’s eyeballs. I don’t think any of us would want to look up and realize our family, friends, ex-friends, whomever, would hate us so bad that they want to take us out – take the life out of us, by testifying against us. And I think it’s the fame factor. Because Michael is so famous, and so greatly pursued by the press, people are just eager to give folks what they want, for a little bit of cash of course. They feel proud of the former association, happy they have enough info on Mike that they can write books (as Bob Jones, one of his former associates is doing thru his book that’s being released in May 2005). It makes you feel that everything you do and say is being recorded, remembered, archived, just so those things can make a grand appearance one day. When you least want it to, when you’re at the height of your fame, and when those disclosures can do the most damage. I feel for Michael in terms of the disloyalty factor; and would never want to be in shoes when it comes to that. Not that he has a right to commit wrongs; all that remains to be scene via the upcoming verdict, but geesh, what does it cost for his associates to remain loyal. If not confidentiality agreements, money, what will it take??

Okay, this one may make some females a little miffed, but I have a confession. (These are my confessions). I believe in female’s being strong, independent, and whatnot, but guess what? There are some things that females just can’t do. At least it’s what I’m beginning to find out. E.g., when you’re at home and you are making a tuna fish sammich and you need some mayonnaise. You open the refrigerator, you are strong enough to remove the jar of mayo from the fridge. But what if you aren’t strong enough to twist the cap off? And what if it doesn’t always occur to you to pop the side of the cap with a butter knife, or to put the whole jar under some warm running tap water to loosen it up. Sometimes it’s just easier to hand it over to a man, “Here, open this.” Pop, boom, it’s open, problem solved. LOL.

Another e.g., I drive an SUV and this afternoon this bad-boy humiliated me. I was low on gas, and especially because gas prices are getting lower, it’s like let me go and fill up the tank. Well, I get out the car, swipe the credit card, go to remove the gas cap, and it won’t budge. I twist it. I turn it. I pray. I speak in tongues. I say Abracadabra. Still won’t come off. Meanwhile folks are waiting for me to hurry up and get out Lane 2 so they can get their own gas. I have a stupid look on my face. The credit card swipe is no longer any good because I’ve waited to long to pump. And folks are looking at me like I’m nuts.

This one lady with a car full of kids yells at me to move my car. I yell back a quick, “NO”. LOL. Didn’t want to get out the line just to get back in line. For some reason, even though people saw me struggling to remove the gas car, no one offered to help a sista out. My face was burning with shame. I was wondering if I could trade my car in after I got some gas. And to make matters worse, this dude drives near in a huge burgundy truck, smiling, saying hey, and waving gold chains at me.

LOL. Dang!

Anyway, long story short, the cap finally got off (and not via my weak wrists).

And I drive away knowing that as strong as women are, there are going to be some things they just cannot do. Maybe I should start lifting weights or something…maybe I should ride a bicycle from now. (NOT). Maybe I should practice twisting that cap til I hear a little snap sound, and then realize that, “Hey, I can twist off a gas cap doggonit.”

Just thought I’d share that for all the feminists out here. ROFL.

It burns me up when people think that just because they wouldn’t make a certain decision, then nobody else would. For e.g., as most of you know my first book (My Daughter’s Boyfriend) is about a mother that has an affair with her daughter’s boyfriend. And many readers, rightly so, were appalled that a young mom could betray her daughter by stepping out with her man. Yes, it is disgusting, but guess what? It happens. You may not personally consider such a betrayal, but it doesn’t mean that other women won’t.

There are many things that other people do that I won’t do (get high on drugs, drink alcohol, hang out at the club, have sex in public places, strip, and lots more), but it doesn’t mean other people don’t do these things. We know this. It’s elementary! It’s all around us! And this is why sometimes I get very heated when people doubt my stories.

I tend to write about taboo issues, at least that’s how it is for the first two books. Taboo means it’s a secret, it’s not something you’re going around telling everyone, it’s frowned upon, it’s consider yucky, trifling, all the above. But people listen to me — folks are out here every single day doing some wild things. Do you watch CNN? Read USA Today? Skim through your own local newspaper? Things are going totally nutso in society. Morality is almost non-existent. People commit acts without thinking them through, without considering the consequences. And this happens regardless of race, gender, educational, socialogical, or economic background.

For some odd reason, I discover that the things that I write about end up being an article in some magazine. I’ll read real-life scenarios about my fictional books. Or, I’ll go to my son’s barber shop, and they always have juicy, mind-blowing, no-she-did-not, type of stuff that they’re talking about. Things you’d never imagine. And after I get over the shock about who’s doing what, I nod my head in agreement. And right then I am convinced that plenty of people are always willing to do what someone else is not. From putting their kids in an oven, to selling their kids for crack, to sleeping with youngsters, to raping 6-week old babies, to knowing that your husband is a tranvestite, and you still love him and want to stay with him, to a man having an affair with another woman, then he moves the woman in his house that he shares with his wife, so that the lady can have sex with his wife too.

All of these things are happening people. So, next time you read my book(s), please don’t doubt. Please don’t have that attitude, “Hmm, Cydney Rax wrote this improbable junk. I guess this could happen.” Ain’t no guessing to it. IT IS HAPPENING? Why? Because you are not the world. The world goes way beyond our own morals and thought processes, our personal interests, and temptations. I think everyone has the potential to be drawn into doing things that no one would think they’d do. We all have some little dark secret that only us and God knows about. It’s just that some folks are more willing to share their secrets than others, and it proves that everyone’s different, and are guided by different motivations. Think about it!! Because as hard as it is to believe, as painful as it is to imagine, it is da truth!!

If you are an author, you might be able to relate…do you ever Google your name, or your book title? And if you do, have you came across comments that people post about either you or your book? Yesterday, I did a search on my name in Yahoogroups and found out two book clubs had recently selected MY DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND as their book of the month. Yippee, yeah. That’s lovely. But a little nagging voice sometimes urges me to look and see what people are saying. Sometimes Yahoogroups has public archives, so anyone and everyone can take a peek, see what’s going on in these groups. I’ll admit I am not brave enough to really go browsing around trying to see what folks are saying. Since becoming an author almost a year ago, I will admit it is weird to see reviews or other comments on the Internet about yourself. People say and think the most outrageous things. Sometimes you disagree with the person; like someone in England said I set back African American literature by 20 years. I was like, Oh really. Why 20 years? Why not 15? or 25? Oh even 100? It is maddening because even if you wanted to, you can’t really find these people and give them a piece of your mind. You just have to take it. When you’re in the public eye, you learn how to let people think whatever they think. Doesn’t mean that it’s true. It doesn’t mean they are accurate. It just means they are expressing what they think on the limited amount of info that they have on you. We all do it. I love to talk about celebrities and I can’t say I really know any…I just have thoughts about them. So we move on. We keep breathing. Because as sure as someone is out there saying whatever they feel like saying about me, I am somewhere looking at a movie, listening to a song on the radio, and thinking whatever I might be thinking about them. Ain’t that a blip???